::Happy 4th Anniversary with City Harvest Church ::

20.03.05 was the first time I stepped into City Harvest Church. When I stepped into the church, I was very overwhelmed by the auditorium, and I was quite amazed of how "big" the hall is when you look from outside the building is actually not that big. 

Thanks Phyllis for bringing me into church. =) When I responded to the altar call on that day, I was alone and I went down, because Phyllis's hand is on cast and she have difficulties in accompanying me to go down. Really appreciate her efforts in bringing me to church at the expense of having hand injury. I can still remembered a few of the brothers asked for my CG. I got mixed up and I tell them I am from W391. LOL. (CHC's latest CG at that time was only about 330 - 350 plus only) Haha.. They were quite puzzled and they thought I am joking. Haha.. 

It's a new journey for me. Making a lot of new friends in church and in CG. After Service, I went to have lunch with a few of the sisters. Pascale, Phyllis, Hui Juan, Gen was a few of them plus some others if I am not wrong. Haha.. I was like.. feeling quite uncomfortable and I thought of not coming anymore because there is just too much sisters in a CG or whatever it is called at that time when I have totally no knowledge about what is a CG. Haha.. I came again because I love the church Praise & Worship style. =) It's very happening and that's the place where I wanted to be. =) 

To be honest, my first main aim of responding to the altar call was not really to be "Saved". I went down is because I don't want to receive any calls from her asking me to come to church. (That is I don't know will she anot if I don't come back again - I am still unsure, not ready.)  As I have a very bad experience with MLM(I have blogged it a very long time ago) and right now, that particular CEO is under serious charges and it came out in the headlines in Jan/Feb this year. So I thought will church be like that? I was sitting at the musician terrace and I thought the ground floor portion is all those who are "high class" position, because they dressed very smartly. Haha.. BUT, on the second hand, I do believe that Jesus is the Lord and Saviour, as my friend has reached out to me when I was in Secondary 2. =) On the third hand, it is also because of some things that I shared with Phyllis before she invited me, and I tell her that I want to change. Therefore, I think it can neutralized with each other? LOL. 

One thing impacted me is what my Ministry Leader, Si Hui said to us during a debrief. "It doesn't matter how you start, but it's always on how you end. People may start to do things for God with many different motives, "serve because the ministry is fun", "serve because my CGL asked me to serve in a ministry", "serve for God's blessings", "serve for others to see", etc. However, as all of us start to serve longer in the ministry, we will have ONE common purpose, we all serve is because we love God. =) So although I may respond different in a way, I believe that right now, I am NOT making a wrong choice to choose to be with God. ^^

Entry is quite long already. Shall blog more about my work in the next entry. Good night! =)

:: New Appointment, New Distraction ::

The reason why I wanted to work is because I want to have $$$. Look at my size, you will know already. =.= Fatty boy.. :'( Haha.. Well, I just got a office job and it pay was $6/hour. Happy but yet sad at the same time. It's because I couldn't concentrate on my studies more now. Although I am not a hardworking boy if you were to see me at home. However, I guess this will be yet good because I might be able to fulfill my BF. =) Gonna really plan my time really well now.

:: 1985 - 2009 ::

Talking about my grandma's tomb in the previous entries. Hmm.. I wonder.. How will my tomb look like in future? 1985 - 20XX. Haha.. Haiz.. When one is stress, his imagination is wild. :'( Dear God, when will I be promoted to glory? 

But, I haven. . .

#1) Found my love.

#2) Fulfilled my calling and find my destiny.

#3) See my family and frenzs coming into salvation.

#4) Fly to the beautiful beaches overseas. The blue blue water and the white white sand.

#5) Fly a kite with my spouse.

#6) Receive a warmth hug from my love. (Affection is one of my needs. =D)

#7) Travel on SG flyer.

#8) Scold the person who invented many theories in business and accounting.

Hmm.. Tough choice huh? Haiz.. Live also cannot. Die also cannot. :'( 

:: The Great Depression 2009 ::

While the world is going through the financial crisis due to the Wall Street Meltdown in late 2008, I am going through a depression in 2009, that is why this title is called "The Great Depression 2009".

How I wish that I can have a sponge of brain where I can easily absorbed what the teacher is talking about. Unfortunately, I can't. My mind tends to react slowly but the teacher is teaching so fast. Take for a MRT train example, I am still at Boon Lay and the teacher is at Commonwealth already. It's super stress going through this stage of my life.

Not only troubled by studies, but also in other areas too. The struggles in my mind, this and that, everything. Haiz... Poor Wei Ming. How I wish that I can go to the arms of my Father in Heaven right now. 

:: Randomness ::

My grandma has passed away for more than 5 years and till today, I still miss her alot. Whenever I listen to the music "Sundial Dreams" by Kevin Kern, I would think of her, because the day when I bought the album is the day she passed away. Well, not all the time I listen then I will think of her, but sometimes I will.

She is not a christian, which means I might not have a chance to see her again in future. Sometimes, I would really wished that I can went a trip down to wherever she is, Sheol or wherever to pay her a visit and talk to her. I missed the nice smell on her. When I was young, I would stay at her house to sleep. I was quite a naughty and playful boy and I will always sing nursery rhymes and purposely disturb her sleeping. LOL.. I miss her making milo for me whenever I visited her. I missed the coffee that she make for me. I miss her everything.

The tomb sweeping festival is coming soon, and I have not been visiting her tomb ever since 2005 or 2006 when I come back to the Lord again. It's because my relatives will asked me to hold the joss sticks and offer prayers to her, which I can't. If I stand there and looked at her tomb, it would be very weird too. If I visit her tomb alone, that will be super weird too. CCK has such a huge area of cemetery and I will be lost in the "concrete jungle" for sure. 

You know, I don't know why but I love to visit cemetery. @_@ In the past, when my family were to go and sweep the tomb, I will always be very excited to go. When I looked at the tombs, I would sometimes think how would their life be and how did they pass on. A tomb near my grandfather who passed away in 1976 shows a very young boy, probably in his teens. It showed a scout photo of his and I wondered if his cause of death is due to drowning? You know those days, boys like to play by the river after school? So probably he would have slipped and fall and drowned? Strange me huh? I also remembered when I was in Sec 2, I have a SJAB Zone Course, and one of them is to have topo at CCK Cemetery. We walked all the way up to the top of the cemetery till late afternoon, and it was so dark by the time when we reached the bottom. I can see the tombs as early as 1950s or 1960s, and it looks as if it have been abandoned because behind the tombstones, there's a paint spraying a number behind them.

Should I go this year? I really miss my grandma a lot. There's also a strange thing which till today I couldn't explain to myself, or perhaps, I am just imaging things.

After my grandma passed away, I heard a very familiar footsteps sound coming from my house kitchen. It belongs to my grandma! So I quickly stopped what I was doing(playing neopets I think) and rushed to the kitchen. Of course, I didn't see anything. But I was sure that the sound belong to my Ah Ma because of the slippers that she wore and the sound that it make. Was it really her? Or am I just too tired and missed her too much that I heard the sound wrongly? It happened in the middle of midnight and perhaps I was just really too tired. All my family members were already sleeping then. . . 

Ah Ma.. I love you. . 

:: Sunday ::

What did I do on Sunday? I decided to take on Si Hui's suggestion, so I SMS my leader and I served today at Service 4. =) However, I didn't attend the meeting though, because I want to be a good boy at home. Haha.. 

Service 4 was much more better than Service 2. Haha.. Because the preaching gets better and more improvised by the last Service. Some more points were added that weren't explained yesterday. All I can say about Pastor Tan is that he is really awesome! Haha.. 

I am starting to love the song "Careless Whisper" and I just keep playing that song. Ever since I watched the drama of "The Different Needs of Man & Woman" of Pastor Kong preaching, I have been liking the background music of the drama, particular this song. Hmm.. I think it creates a romantic atmosphere for couples. Haha..

Hmm.. I don't know why I have this feeling I just wanna comment Pascale here for no reason. Haha.. Pascale, you are a person who never fails to be a cheerful girl and will always bring smile, laughter to people around you. Although you may feel that we teased you, because the way the you respond are pretty cute. Haha.. It doesn't mean that we love to bully you, but it's because you will bring an unexplainable joy to others, that's why we love to play with you. Not for any bullying reason, but rest assured that our intentions are not of making fun, but of love, not because we feel the thrill of bullying you, but because you are a good playmate to have. Your character is the type of girl that most guys would want to have as their future spouse. But wait, don't get the wrong idea here, I love you as a brotherly love, not of any other intention that you are suspicious of. "Watch out Pascale, your head is hitting the ceiling!!" Hahaha..

From this post onwards, I wanna try to encourage each of my CG members. Haha.. But for now, I just also wanna thank Louisa for the surprise gift yesterday. Thank you so much! You are a gift send from heaven to me. Thank you for picking me up from the darkest pit. =)

Next week is gonna be a super hectic week for me. Lessons from Tuesday to Thursday, and on Saturday and Sunday. :'( 

:: Touch ::

CG Sermon is very good today. Before we start praise, Sharon share about . . .

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat of its fruit". 

- Pro 18:21

You can see that from my previous entry, what I am lacking is because...

#1) I do not have the faith in my ministry leader to trust in me.

#2) I have keep storing the hurts inside me and I did not shared it out.

#3) Therefore, it leads to an emotion explosion which my ministry leader will be wondering why I get so angry for no reason.

I am just basing on my own thoughts and feelings to judge what I did not see. Unfortunately, I choose it in a very negative thinking, thus poisoning my soul as what Sharon says. Why can't I be more positive to trust the leaders? 

I am afraid. I am afraid that if I do not handle my emotions well enough, I will leave church one day. You might think that its not possible to happen, but it actually do play a part in the life of people who backslide. No church is ever perfect. You go anywhere, its the same. Just like some church hoppers, no matter how many church they hop, they still can't find a best place, because they themselves the thinking did not change.

I am not trying to say that every church is good. If you feel uncomfortable in a certain church, you can of course go another church. I have seen a video of a local church and I feel very uncomfortable. Haha.. So I will not visit that church at all. Anyway, I have decided to plant myself in CHC, so I just want to be married to the vision of this church. 

Come to think of it, I do feel pretty happy in my ministry sometimes too. So why do I need to focus on the unhappy part? I am not being make use of, because I know that I am used by God, not by people. Serving at JW is out of my comfort zone, but I should served it with joy because it's not just about my needs, but also helping 2300 ++ people in Service 4. =) I shouldn't be so selfish to focus on my needs. 

When I remembered of Samuel of how he will always willingly to give free Maths tuition to Louisa and Ning Zhi, I will see how selfless he is. He is willingly to teach despite he can made use of his time to go out with his friends to play, to take a sleep, but he is still willing to give his time to others. Amazing huh? =)

Compare to my previous post, does I sound a happier Wei Ming now? The things happened still the same, but if I react differently, I will see a different result. =) It's okay if I am lonely, because I already have a wonderful group of Cell Group Members. I should be contented of what I have. =)

A special thanks to Louisa for your encouragement today. Thanks for talking to me when you read my blog. You have done the correction in a right way! Haha.. I don't feel condemn at all, but I feel pretty good after listening to you. Thanks Sharon for sharing too. Your sermon always surprise me because it is always a spot-on about my life. See, that's the church that I am proud to be in. =)

However, I am still deciding to go for the meeting anot, not because I am angry at my leader for not replying my SMS nor I will feel lonely being there or it doesn't make any difference, but I just want to be a good boy at home. LOL. =P

:: Shattered ::

I am serving on alternate Sundays at Jurong West Service 4. Last Sunday, I couldn't serve because I have CG. Next Sunday, I am not able to serve again because I have a class from 10a.m - 1p.m. I have told my ministry leader before that I am considering of switching ministry. If you are my ministry leader, would you think that I am telling a lie to you for not serving, I wonder?

Last Sunday when I SMS him that I couldn't serve, he didn't even reply me. So generally I would more or less feel that in his heart he might not trust me. This year I had not been able to serve for a few times due to CG and other commitments and it's just March only. Perhaps after hearing that I might want to change ministry, he may have this thoughts? Haha.. Maybe I am wrong for doubting my leader for doubting me if I am telling the truth? Haha.. Sounds chim hor?

I don't deny that I myself doubt people too, sometimes it could be even my best friend around me. So why am I having  this kind of mentality too? Perhaps, I am pinning my hopes on my leaders. Maybe that's why I will have a higher expectation of them? 

Si Hui give me a very good suggestion, but should I apply it? I didn't want to because I don't feel like attending the ministry meeting this Sunday. If I tell them that I want to serve this Sunday instead of next Sunday due to class, they will most probably expect me to turn up for the meeting. Another reason is because my mum has been unhappy about me going out often. (To her, going to church 2 times a week can be consider alot already. I am already jobless and I still have  the cheek to go to enjoy myself? Of course she didn't say that right in front of my face, but my parents are unhappy that I do not have a proper job and always go out.) Anyway, I am just a small fly in this ministry. I enjoy serving God in this ministry, and I love to talk to the BVs, checking songs with them, flashing for them to see, etc. However, the main reason is because I feel less and less attach into this ministry. Every Sunday, I will just serve and go home. Machiam like going to work like that, and I rarely get to fellowship with the ministry peeps. It's like a generation gap although our age group is about the same or older. I have no common topics with them either. 

The gathering at the beginning of this year I has already get a feel of it. When everyone is happily enjoying themselves, I will try to find people that I can talk to. Find my ex-team at Expo and then I decided to join the current JW team. Haha.. It's like I have no sense of belonging to either teams. When I borrow the lighter from my ministry last Saturday, the people over there looked at me as if I am an alien. Of course I didn't expect all of them to "Hi Wei Ming, nice to see you.. Wooo" But the people there just look at me silently, only my ex leader and one or two team members talk to me.

Anyway, whatever the meeting is, I am just interested to know the outcome, I am not interested to be there because it WILL NOT make any difference at all. I can save transportation money too. Scold me if you want, counsel me if you bother, but whatever it is for now, I don't really care. Maybe what you say might knock some sense into my head. We shall see. . . 

Maybe, I desire for fellowship so much that it turn me out to be like this. When I am still serving in Expo, I didn't really have this feeling because I can get to fellowship with my members after Service. Once in awhile, the leaders will come and asked how am I doing, etc. I didn't really talk to my ministry frenzs at Expo too, but still I love being there. The culture seems to change when I serve at JW, because after serving, I will just go home most of the times, the feeling can be hurting as if I am being make used of. The leaders are not as "caring" as before, probably because he just stepped up only. When I see how each of the Cellgroup talking to each other happily at the coffee shop and I am alone and walk home, people might think I am a visitor, no sense of belonging. Haha.. Once in awhile I will saw Si Hui too, but she get along pretty well with the kids, that's why I guess she don't have this problem. Asking me to take the first step to talk? Forget about it man, as if they are interested to talk to me, so why bother?