"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat of its fruit".
- Pro 18:21
You can see that from my previous entry, what I am lacking is because...
#1) I do not have the faith in my ministry leader to trust in me.
#2) I have keep storing the hurts inside me and I did not shared it out.
#3) Therefore, it leads to an emotion explosion which my ministry leader will be wondering why I get so angry for no reason.
I am just basing on my own thoughts and feelings to judge what I did not see. Unfortunately, I choose it in a very negative thinking, thus poisoning my soul as what Sharon says. Why can't I be more positive to trust the leaders?
I am afraid. I am afraid that if I do not handle my emotions well enough, I will leave church one day. You might think that its not possible to happen, but it actually do play a part in the life of people who backslide. No church is ever perfect. You go anywhere, its the same. Just like some church hoppers, no matter how many church they hop, they still can't find a best place, because they themselves the thinking did not change.
I am not trying to say that every church is good. If you feel uncomfortable in a certain church, you can of course go another church. I have seen a video of a local church and I feel very uncomfortable. Haha.. So I will not visit that church at all. Anyway, I have decided to plant myself in CHC, so I just want to be married to the vision of this church.
Come to think of it, I do feel pretty happy in my ministry sometimes too. So why do I need to focus on the unhappy part? I am not being make use of, because I know that I am used by God, not by people. Serving at JW is out of my comfort zone, but I should served it with joy because it's not just about my needs, but also helping 2300 ++ people in Service 4. =) I shouldn't be so selfish to focus on my needs.
When I remembered of Samuel of how he will always willingly to give free Maths tuition to Louisa and Ning Zhi, I will see how selfless he is. He is willingly to teach despite he can made use of his time to go out with his friends to play, to take a sleep, but he is still willing to give his time to others. Amazing huh? =)
Compare to my previous post, does I sound a happier Wei Ming now? The things happened still the same, but if I react differently, I will see a different result. =) It's okay if I am lonely, because I already have a wonderful group of Cell Group Members. I should be contented of what I have. =)
A special thanks to Louisa for your encouragement today. Thanks for talking to me when you read my blog. You have done the correction in a right way! Haha.. I don't feel condemn at all, but I feel pretty good after listening to you. Thanks Sharon for sharing too. Your sermon always surprise me because it is always a spot-on about my life. See, that's the church that I am proud to be in. =)
However, I am still deciding to go for the meeting anot, not because I am angry at my leader for not replying my SMS nor I will feel lonely being there or it doesn't make any difference, but I just want to be a good boy at home. LOL. =P
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