:: Hurts ::

It happened today again. Was very disappointed with him. Seriously, with this kind of friends around, I don't need to have enemies. I think, my heart is quite thin, and I will get hurt very easily. God, will You cover more layers of skins around my heart?

I mean, I do accept critics from people around me. However, the kind of comment that he always gave is super hurting and irritating to me. I feel being look down upon, being condemned, and I think that out of 10 times, there will be at least 2-3 unhappiness conversation that I had with him.

The comments that a leader or a friend gave, the stern disciplining should be edifying, encouraging, and not destroying a person's heart, or tear the person down. He/She should built the person up by giving positive comments. But what this particular person did was whipping my heart away, and he doesn't think how I would feel if he talk to me like that. Well, I guess, he is not a christian, so he don't know about such things. BUT.. Some things are rather common sense right?

This affect me, and I think, it had slowly "spread" to other area of my life. Talking with my friends, my members, and I don't really want to open up to them. I mean, I need help, but I think, I need some time to settle down first. Right now, I am building walls instead of doors to let people entering into my heart. I am feeling numb in my heart now. My heart desperately needs a healing to be take place.

Have a good chat with one of my camp mate, who is a regular. Quite surprise that he used to be in St. John too, just that we are from different secondary school and zone. He is also the only guy in his batch, which is quite similar to me too. Hahaa.. I think people have the mentality that guys who join this CCA are sissy. Well, but I beg to differ. His achievement is much better than me, he got a Cadet Leader at the end of his secondary school days at Sec 5, while I only got a Staff Sergeant. Hahaa..

Oh yeah... Just being random. I also wanna thank Si Hui, Kelvyn and Si Min for trusting me to do all the Service songs yesterday. I mean, this is the first time that I "pack" everything. Haha.. Really thank God that everything went well, and for the trust and faith that they have in me. Looking forward to do more challenging songs, especially "Rain Down", which I think its quite a killer song as it got quite alot of pages and switching to the next line must be super fast. Hahaa.. Looking forward...

God.. I come before You right now. I pray for healing to be take place in my heart, and let it filled with peace. Expand for greater capacity to hold the hurts that attack me, from the north to the south, from the east to the west. Help me to become a better person through the battles of the life daily. Let me be decrease, so that You can increase. Give me also the strength, and the energy, to move on in life. Thank You God. Amen.