:: Flashback Of The Past ::

I was just chatting with one of my campmate today and we were discussing about the times that we have spent since we were being posted to the base a year ago. We chatted and chatted, and we happen to come upon this certain topic. Somehow, I come to realise that the past emo-ness and hurts that I have is something that I can prevent myself from getting it.

In the past, I thought that why my campmates like to "ill-treat" me. Why do they always like to condemn me. Why is the whole world against me? However, he explain how he felt about me in the past and I finally understand why they treat me like this.

I couldn't remember if its because that I can't remember the stuff that I ought to know, or is it because of my learning attitude need some repentance. However, I know during that point of time I have created trouble for my other friends as my standard is still very bad, and I don't know alot of things. My seniors have taught me the same thing over and over again, but I never fail to disappoint them when they test me. My same batch of friends are also quite unhappy with me, because of my low standard, I am not being put into duty, and they are the ones who keep on doing that, over and over again, and this last for months.


On the other hand, I though that the whole world is against me. I though of leaving and posting out of the horrible place. I wanna go to a whole new place where I can start over again. As I was typing this, a powerful statement stuck into my mind. "No matter where you go, if you have a lousy attitude, you will still feel the same, always wanting to go to a new place, a new environment whenever you face disappointments. That's because you want the whole world to follow your style, and you just simplily don't bother to care or change."

Isn't true? No matter which vocation that I am being posted to, I will still want to change in the end. Thank God, I did not do it. However, this negative thoughts tormented me for weeks, months. It left me with a deep hurt, a scar and it affected my walk with God. At that point of time, I don't really have any close friends to share with, and the feeling was really terrible. I don't know how to share with my cellgroup members as I didn't really open up to them.

Today.. I have finally get out of it. I have know what I am suppose to know, but I don't dare to say that I know 100% of what I am suppose to know, but at least the basic that I ought to know is there, and I can still survive the skills when I am required to use them. The journey is not really nice to walk with. If only I had put in effort, I wouldn't have been through those unnecesary battle.

I am really glad to have this special friend of mine, who is always being positive about things, one who knows how to relate to people in work, and one who will see the end results before making any decision of before opening his mouth. Thank you for sharing the knowledge, and I am really bless by it. You have truly impacted my life in camp. Thanks for sharing to me Man of Steel, Melvin Ooi... =)