:: Day 106 ::

Day 106? Well, it refers that 106 days have pass since the start of the year? Fast huh? Time really flies, and it don't wait for people. People have to make used of the time to do the things that they want to achieve in their life, and not just sit down there rotting away. Of course, we have to spent some time to relax too, and not neglect our health and emotions.

Had a chat with Derek today, and I feel that our conversation were pretty good as we begin to pour out our hearts out to each other. We encourage each other and I really feel happy that I share with him about my stuff too, and we also talk about the times in W319. Somehow, I feel that we are going through the same thing, emotionally, and we just wanna be alone by ourselves.

I want to go to somewhere where nobody can find me, going to somewhere where I can find a place to get out of this hurting society, from workplace, friends, or even members. I want to go somewhere out of Singapore, probably a place where I can get to lie on the beautiful white sandy beach, with clear blue water washing against my legs. Closing my eyes to relax, hearing the waves crashing against the shore. At this silence moment, I will want to reflect about my life, reflect of the things that I am doing right now. Where should I go after NS? What do I want to be in future? What do I see myself as 10 years down the road? Why I still have not had a breakthrough for so many years even after counselling by Joanne and Sharon? (Please don't try to preach to me that I have to make a decision or whatever crap.)

I really hope that I can do this. I know that we can't depend on ourselves, and we need the support of frenzs sometime. However, I don't really want to open up myself to people, especially how someone have worsen my emotions instead of encouraging, quoting bible verses, preaching, instead of showing love. Thanks but no thanks, I don't need such encouragement, it may work for you but that doesn't mean that it will work for everybody in this world. You can help by just listening. God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth, which means He want us to listen more than we do the talking.

Maybe, as what Derek have say, give the person who had hurt me some time to change. He's not perfect, and he need to be mould. I should at the same time, give time for my heart and let it heal, and to letting go instead of carrying hurting myself.

"God, mould my heart and heal it, change hatred into love."